I just attended a market outlook seminar by Chinabank in Dusit a while ago. I know I took MFI as my major in college but why do I have to go through and listen to them talk about the market interest rates/bonds/equity/peso depreciation/GDP/etc?
It’s as if I was listening to my FMMICRO/ FMMACRO/ ECON prof and went back to college again. I found it so boring. I guess I just studied for the sake of passing.
The funny thing is that I work for a boss who’s a ‘CFO’ at some local retail company. He loves finance, and he always introduces himself as a “finance” guy. He teaches us valuation, talks to us about stocks prices, cash flows, P/E ratio, asks our opinions on the performance of various US publicly listed companies and their industries. He teaches us all these stuff so that we would learn to appreciate finance more. “The sooner you guys mature, the better”.
But do I like my job? Do I apply what I’ve learned in college? My mom picked my course for me, and now it feels like my boss is sorta doing the same thing. It’s what they want from me but is it what I want for myself? Is Finance really for me? Does finance really suit me?
These are the questions that I always ask myself since idek when. Soon, I’ll be turning 24 but I don’t want to be 24 years old yet. I haven’t found what I want to do in life. I’m just a lost girl. Maybe I could’ve become more honest.
I’ve been undergoing chiropractic care for at least a month now. Initially, I was advised to undergo spine adjustment and realignment for about 45 visits, excluding any additional maintenance care. I just had my 24th visit yesterday and I decided that I won’t proceed with the upgrade anymore because I’ve problems with the finances. I’ve spent around P78k already. This includes the initial consultation of P 4,900 and x-ray of P 3,600, and P 69,500 for the 24-visits package. If ever I continue with what was recommended to me, I’ll be spending around P70k more, which I’m not really sure where to get it from. My monthly salary won’t be able to compensate for that. It will take months to recover. I realized that I haven’t been able to save that much as compared to last year? I plan to travel somewhere by the end of the year so I really need to recover all the expenses I’ve incurred. I have this app called Spending Tracker which helps me track where all my money went. And from the looks of it, I’ve been on a net loss starting from the month of January. Sighs. I’ve spent a lot on that Korea trip, and those books that I ordered online. So even tho the chiropractor tried to persuade me as much as he could like how the pain might go back after a month or two and that I might have to start from scratch all over again, I just said no. He probably could tell that it was because of the finances. If I had the money, I would have not hesitated and I would have continued. But to be completely honest, I’m feeling 100% completely relieved right now. It’s as if I went back to 2016/2017.
My upper back and shoulders started to hurt in the early months of this year so I went and tried Karada. I definitely felt relieved right after but the pain came back after 2/3 months. Worse is I had stiff neck, upper and lower back pain, both my left and right shoulder ached. I almost always had migraines every night. I also noticed that I had rounded shoulders and a turtle neck and it was extremely hard for me to straighten them and have a good, normal/proper posture. I guess, this is what prolonged hours of sitting in front of a computer does to your back. I passed by a Chiropractic Clinic on a Friday one day so I decided to check it out. Unfortunately, they don’t have doctors on Friday so I came back the next day and this is where it all started. After a series of 4/5 adjustments, I felt nauseous and I couldn’t do anything at night except sleep my way thru the night because of migraine and dizziness. I felt like this almost everyday in the first few weeks. I couldn’t do anything – I couldn’t work, I couldn’t be productive and I almost slept at 8pm! I haven’t slept at 8pm since maybe I was in kindergarten lol like who sleeps at 8pm anyways? I was told that this is normal because of the toxins that are being released when the spine is being adjusted. For the most part, I adapted to this kind of lifestyle.
Halfway through, I still did experience occasional headaches but it was a lot less frequent na. But I still wasn’t as active as I used to and felt lethargic almost all of the time.
I used to do yoga back in 2016 lol.
FFWD to present, here I am feeling 100% better. I’m now able to stay up late and work a few more hours and be more productive. I also sleep a lot better now. I woke up feeling like a whole new different person. Like a feeling of rebirth, you know what I mean? lol
I just wanna straighten things out and sort my life. I wanna get things right from now on. My addiction started way back in 2014. Four years has passed and I’m still on the same road, stuck on the same loop – I just can’t bring myself to get away from it. It felt like I’ve wasted 4 years of my life on it, and I knew that it wouldn’t bring me anywhere. The fact that I know and the fact that I’m still dping it often keeps me frustrated and very disappointed at myself. The life that I imagined is far from where I am now. The plans, the goals, the motivation, the tenacity – back then, I used to have them all. Slowly, gradually, and at my own pace, I was sure of where I was headed to. Now I just feel like time keeps on going and that I’m doing nothing at all to keep up with it. It’s not that deep but I just want to escape from me and live a whole new, completely different life. Better yet, I want to go back in 2012.
I honestly don’t know who I am. It’s frustrating. It gets me worried always.
Just when did that happen?
I don’t even know where I’m heading towards.
I’ll just run first.
When I get older, I feel like I’ll wander around even more.
Trapped in confusion, I still don’t know myself well.
I don’t know what my heart wants, so tears keep forming.
A situation that repeats daily.
The memories of doing what I’ve been told to up till now.
Whichever road I’m going to walk on.
How much more do I have to wander before I see myself smiling.
If this isn’t me… Sighs. I have no motivation at all.
Annyeong chingus! ㅋㅋㅋ
It’s been a while since I last posted, right? My last post was around November of last year. Just a bit of an update, I’ve kept myself busy editing video clips because as you might’ve not known, my sisters and I went on a winter trip abroad last January and I’ve been trying to edit the clips in Sony Vegas Pro 15.0. However, when I was almost halfway done, I just recently found out that I have to purchase the software before I can convert the .veg project into .mp4. It costs around P30,000 and there’s no way in hell I’d pay them that. I tried searching for video converters online but they all just seemed sketchy to me, so I’m not so sure how I can even upload it online. Idk what to do about it.
After I publish this, I’m going to take a little break from WP and many other online activities in order to finish my studies. I’m planning to get more active again once I’m done.
I hope I figure something about the Vegas project too once I comeback. Hopefully, I’ll be able to show it to you guys.