There are a lot of thoughts going on inside my mind as I’m writing this. And I’ve come to realize that I tend to go here whenever I’m feeling like this – frustrated and all. I like going here to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering me at the moment. I worry that keeping them locked and bottled up inside of me would only make things feel worse than they already are. I’m glad that this blog has served as a place where I can truly be honest to myself.
Anyways, what’s going on recently is that I feel like I’m not exactly aware of what is it that I really want in my life. I feel like I go about by the life of the usual 9 am to 5 pm shift of a corporate employee everday. And this routine goes on and will continue to go on for as long as possible. Tbh, my boss actually sent us to Japan last November for us to not only experience and witness how beautiful the country is but for us to become more mature and self -conscious, and also for us to reflect and soon realize what we opt to decide for ouselves and for our future.
I guess my boss would be very disappointed to find out that I haven’t completely decided one for myself. To be honest, I thought I actually had one. But then I realized that that dream was what my parents and the others have decided for me and hence what was set up for myself. All this time, I tried to live up to those expectations – expectations which were decided by the others and which were completely handed out to me.
But what about me? What is it that I really want? What are my goals in life? Where do I see myself 5 years from now? I haven’t really thought that far ahead about it but for a while, I thought I had one. I’ve already mentioned what it was if you’ve read my previous posts and I can go on days just talking about it.
I guess adulting’s really hitting me up – hard. It’s getting quite confusing also. I’m not even sure whether I’m on the right track. Even the fates had led me to believe that things would go rough and that they aren’t completely on my side this time around (long story).
Anyways, I don’t know why but I think the whole universe is starting to conspire against me. To be honest, I’m not sure what to do right now. I’ve always been that type of person who has all of these alternative/back-up plans, in which plans B, C and D are readily available, when things don’t go exactly the way as planned the first time around. One thing’s for sure is that I’m not ‘there yet’, whatever or wherever ‘there’ really is.
I would also like to announce (not that I have readers anyway lol) that I’ve deactivated both my Facebook and Twitter accounts for the time being. I’ve decided that I needed the time more to myself and cut back on social media. And lastly, I would like to end this post by saying that I would like to start anew. And hopefully, I can find the answer that I’m looking for.