I’ve come to a conclusion that I have social anxiety disorder eons ago tho I’d much rather have not. For some apparent reason, I just can’t seem to like being around with lots of people. I dislike crowds and I’ll never be able to get rid of my social phobia; I just realized that a while ago. I’ll never be able to overcome my anxiousness when I’m in a crowd or with a bunch of people let alone strangers. Just a while ago, our department just had a birthday pakain again for one of our department team heads. I never learnt her name but the lady was probably somewhere in her mid-40s. Of course, I was with my teammate and the rookies as well. Tho, I haven’t been really that close with them yet. They’re really nice and friendly and all but anyways… It was my second birthday pakain and my awkwardness just wouldn’t dissipate. I just turn mute all of a sudden when I’m with a bunch of strangers.
I was just standing there with fellow teammate smiling pretending that I’m having fun xD while tears were actually welling up in my eyes…
The crowds… I felt their eyes on me…
My bosses were treating me like a baby…
And when someone tried approaching me and stayed beside me for like 5 or 10 seconds, I kept on thinking inside my mind, “Awkward air~ Awkward air~” And that person just went off without saying a word.
I also couldn’t keep a proper conversation with the officers.
Sigh, I really hope that my awkwardness would just dissipate next time.