Up, down, left, right.
North, south, east, west.
Look up, peer down, glance sideways.
Step up, bow down.
Dwell on the past, live on the present, dream about the future.
Sometimes… no. Oftentimes. Lately, yup, I found myself left wondering and doubting whether I’ve made the right decision or not. To conform with what the society has to say and wants me to do, or to stand my ground and do what I want and hence, to see, to manage, to take control, and wait how things are to turn out. I did the latter. Young and naive, I was so eager back then – shrugging off others’ opinions and not listening to their advises. I used to think “
fondly” of myself & how carefully laid out my plans were. Funny how my unshakable self-will used to remain unaffected and unabashed. Apparently, after some thinking and a lot of talking with a few friends, I began to reconsider things and weigh out my other options. The possibilities are infinite, and the options are just endless. There are a hundred roads to take, and a thousand paths to choose from. I started to muse about the what ifs and the could bes. I knew that there were considerable amount of factors which needed some weighing but I chose that one type where people can easily scoff at you just because. Gradually, my hopes shattered. Was this what I really wanted? Was this really my goal?
I could start all over again but it’s impossible to turn back time now. Discouraged? Perhaps. Afraid? Yes. Disappointed? No. Because admittedly, at one point in life, I wanted it to happen and I did make it happen and I was happy – until I realized the situation too late. I think of this experience as a huge, big, fat mistake. But I also like to think that, just to encourage myself and blablablah, making mistakes are simply inevitable and are always bound to happen and that they are often good so as long as I particularly learn from them. So, a piece of advice and a note to self which I got from a classmate which she got from a prof: “It’s best to make mistakes when you’re young, you have the time to make a u-turn so huwag kayong matatakot“.
∴ I still have lots of time to redo my blueprint. All that’s left to do is to continue what I’ve started – live on the present, enjoy the moment, and hopefully move on into rebuilding my dreams. There’s always room for growth and learning and there’s always plan B. xx