Musings

I’m not a kid anymore


I never wanted to grow up. I wanted to be a kid forever. And I never imagined myself becoming an adult. I was used into getting scolded all the time by my elder brother and even by my younger sisters because of the immature things I do every now and then. Mom and dad never really trusted me with I going out to clubs alone. My younger sister was allowed to have a boyfriend before me while I had to ask dad a year later if I could have one. For them, they have never seen me as adult. I was just this pabo kid who was always playtime, annoying her little sisters, goofing around with them, and playing with them all the time. Among the siblings, I was never really serious and I am always the first one to suggest and initiate games which sounded fun to play i.g. shooting hoops with them, going to arcades, playing dodgeball, etc. And I always laugh around, acting lively and getting mad back at them when they get annoyed. They say that I should act my age but I don’t know why I’m still like this. I was and am a ball of energy and my dad used to wonder how I never get tired from playing all throughout the day. He would ask me if how I could manage to still jump around the bedroom and still play when it was already bedtime. I was never tired. As a kid, I loved to play and I was very active. When I was 10, dad caught me once playing climb and tag with my sisters around our store in the province and scolded me to stop because I wasn’t a kid anymore. From an early age, my parents already demanded me to act my age which I did only to persons whom I don’t know, but when I’m with my siblings, I act the same again. I was comfortable and happy being a kid all the time. But when it comes to strangers, I completely shut up and find myself not knowing what else to talk about. I was bad at engaging in conversations. And I realize how boring I sound. I just can’t make them play with me and do soccer or whatnot. That’s not how people do it. That’s why I have troubles making friends in real life and show them the real me.

After turning 20, and graduating from college, I realized that in order to engage in conversations, I needed to become an adult especially that I plan to work in the corporate world. Instead of being branded as ‘pabo’, I want to become smart and make wise decisions when people ask me for advises. I want to become a woman and not a girl anymore. I wanted to earn everyone’s respect. I have to give up my inner childhood feels and become an adult fast.

But how do you become an adult?

Be serious? Be mature? Be confident? Be a woman?

Isn’t it boring?

But I just have to give up my old habits and turn them completely around. To become successful, I need to make myself a woman now. I won’t watch cartoons and I’ve to read books, and be updated with news. I won’t fight with my siblings anymore, but become more of an ate. I would not follow around my elder sister also but make decisions on my own because whatever habits I practice on our household, I tend to bring them outside. If I practice them at home, will I find it easier to finally talk to other people?

This may not make sense to others, but for me, it’s worth the try. If it doesn’t work the first time, then I’d have to restrategize again. Mama told me to enroll in personality development classes but all the seminars I’ve looked up into until now are all costly. For a one day seminar, it already costs P3k. So never mind that for now. I’ll think things through but for the meantime, I will try to be more mature starting in this household.

oRiaN.o

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