Love · Musings

Feeling determined.


I am feeling enlightened.

Finally! After a week of being confused and having mixed up emotions, I’ve finally arrived at an answer!

My brother just taught me and assured me what I needed to do. Though it was indirect and he was talking about his friend. All the things he said made me 100% sure that I have to do on what I needed to do.

Before I started going out with this guy, I’ve actually thought about asking my brother already about relationships and how he had handled courting a girl he used to like back when he was in high school. I wanted to learn the guys’ POV about the whole ligaw thing. Huhuhu. But that topic was never brought up until now. He just came up with that topic and shared his friend’s story when we were having dinner. I didn’t tell him that I have a boylalu too. Tho, I think he has already noticed because of the chocolate I received and brought home with me from OJT when that boylalu first started doing damoves. I just fretfully listened to him the whole time he was talking.

Cuz even after mom gave me advice last week, I was still seeing him. Because I thought about “what ifs?” and thought that my parents were being unfair for objecting the relationship even though they haven’t talked to him nor even met him yet. For 19 years that I’ve been existing, I’ve never really had a chance to do what I want. I’ve never defied my parents. Until I entered the university, I’ve led a very sheltered life. Hence, I’m pretty much naive about almost everything. Living the sheltered life is boring and I thought that just this once, just this once, I’m not going to listen, that I’m going to live the life on how I wanted it to be, that I want to experience new things, and see how things would turn out. But because of kuya’s story about his friend, I was feeling nganga.

Anyways…

I learned kuya’s personal POV and heard his opinion. Even though he doesn’t know about the guy because I haven’t told him, and asked my parents to not mention the guy to my brother, because if they told my brother, then I can never go out again. I now know what to do and will be more committed on what to do. TuT Which is kinda sad but happy at the same time.

Idk. jasldfkjasd fkljaslkdfjaslkdfj I thought of introducing him to friends next Saturday when we planned on watching Guardians already (because the boylalu also mentioned that he wanted to watch it too so I thought of bringing him along when my friends suggested that it was okay for them to bring him) but yeah… laksjdflaskjdflaiejflasjelfhasdf TuT XD huhuhu I’ve decided.

 

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