College · Love · Musings

Is it okay for me to say that I don’t like you?


When I was still a frosh, I wasn’t really close with my blockmates. I did have some friends. But we weren’t that close. We were more like “acquaintances” in a sense that we have regular small talks and the usual hi-hello-how are you-type-of-talks. Anyways, this particular guy, let’s name him D, is popular with anyone. He’s nice and he’s used into cracking jokes which aren’t really funny but you’ll surely end up laughing because they’re just too corny. He’s friendly, in a way, and talks to anyone, including me.

As weeks passed by, I started daydreaming about him- about how the two of us would end up going to school together since the two of us commute via LRT, and act all lovey-dovey. I kid. Act as if we were friends for real. Yeah…

All those imaginations ended there. Nothing really happened between us. We ended up as blockmates, no more, no less. Soon, I must have realized that I didn’t really like him-like him. It must have been because he was just a nice person to everyone is all. In actuality, haven’t really fallen for him. I knew that it was just a fling.

When I stepped into my second year in college, things have changed.

As I have “ignored” his existence, all the more would he initiate a conversation- in class, when I occassionally bump into him along the way, and even on e-mails. And now, he’s asking for my number. He didn’t ask for it personally, but posted in one of our mutual Facebook groups, which was more embarrassing, and “worth-gossiping” in our block.

My friend started teasing me about him every time; I just laughed it off.

I don’t know really. I don’t know what to do.

Overthinking? Probably. Assuming? Perhaps. In-love? No.

The feelings I used to have for him before, I no longer feel.

Right now, before anything else, I think what I’m looking for is friendship first. Before we go on to the next deeper level…

And maybe, he’s thinking the same thing.

Let’s deliberate after that.

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