This month was really good to me. Though there were some downs that I can recall, I’m certain that there were more ups that happened in this month, tho. This month has been memorable and… good thing I’ve got a planner-turned-diary in which I write accounts and highlights hat happened for each day. Anyways, February was just a month full of smiles, laughter, and kilig( which I’d be keeping to myself), and some turn of events which I wasn’t expecting nor planning that I’d actually experience, and live out of my comfort zone, and try something new (which I’d also keep to myself. It isn’t love-related). I’ve been battling with myself recently yet I’m proud to say that I’ve managed to somewhat conquer and take over my fears.
Ironically, we all know how February is the month of love, right? However, this was the time when I had my heart broken (but not completely. I wasn’t totally inlove. It was only a happy crush). I found out that the boy I like has a girlfriend and I’ve witnessed it under the worst-case scenario: As I was climbing up the staircase, on my way to our classroom in the second floor, I saw him and his girl “PDAing(the guy was wrapping his arms around the girl)” at the center of the staircase. I was also with my friend at that time but she wasn’t aware that I have a crush on that guy( which is also one of my classmates for that particular class I was going to attend to) because if I told her, I wouldn’t act normal, and I’d be all conscious and shy, and avoid him as much as possible, and hence, it would be too obvious so I tend to keep my feelings to myself. I’ll just tell her when the term’s about to end so I wouldn’t have a problem dealing with him. Anyways, I compelled to compose myself and pretended that I didn’t see a thing and just walked by past them.
After we got inside the classroom, my friend and I went to Mcdo before the class started and I told her what I saw when we were waiting for the food she ordered. She kept on asking me who so I then told her during the class and drew a doodle of our seating arrangement. He’s seated a row behind us and three chairs away from my left. So I can see him in my periphery every class and I try to avoid seeing him since it’s really awkward up to the point that I’d hide my face with my friend’s face on my left when I’m talking to her. And sometimes, I limit myself into talking with her as to avoid seeing him in my periphery. Every time he’s there, I couldn’t bring myself to act normal. I didn’t know how my feelings towards him started to change even though we’ve been classmates since first term (May 2012- Sept 2012) when I was taking up Financial Mathematics 1. But I’ve only noticed his presence when it was already halfway through the first term as I was seated infront while he was at the back row. As you can see, we have the same course and I’ll be classmates with him until I graduate! Huhu!
Anyways, as soon as I handed my doodle to my friend, she immediately turned her head to the back and it was too obvious that the two of us were talking about him!
Kill me now!
I swear I was ready to strangle my friend at that time but I tried to remain calm and composed because if I did the former, it would even be more obvious. I wish I haven’t told her. Ohgosh.
When she turned her head to meet me, she told me that she couldn’t find out who he was. Thank goodness! I won’t even tell her the details no more even if she whines.
I decided to drop the topic. And remained silent for the rest of the remaining time.
At that time, the atmosphere suddenly felt uneasy and awkward. I could still see him in my periphery no matter how much I try to avoid. It couldn’t be helped. Every time I copy notes from the board, I could see him.
I guess he, too, noticed that I was acting weird. He went on to go outside twice.
I didn’t know what to think at that time. I knew he has a girlfriend so I must not “like” him anymore. That it’s prohibited to even have a crush on someone who has a lover.
The following day, thank goodness everything (well mostly if not all) went back to normal. I started talking with my friend again even though I could still see him on my peripheral view.
heck with liking him! (Haha galit?)
But I guess, in his perception, I’m just that awkward girl with the glasses.
Anyways, I’m glad that my friend didn’t know who I was talking about or things might end up like this:
The problem is, when I try to think about it, I’ve never had any guy friends before so I think this feeling is just normal right? I mean I constantly feel shy whenever a guy talks to me especially in groupings. I’d just be like: Okay. *Poker face: On*
especially when that guy has uber sex appeal (Haha kidding!)